Language was invented for the sole purpose of diluting force. Goodbyes don't actually exist, orgasms do.
Friday, August 3, 2012
Thursday, August 2, 2012
THE SIZE OF THE DOG DICK ISN'T IMPORTANT, THE SIZE OF THE INSECURITY IS.
I will utilize a silkscreen to create a t-shirt with the words "YOUR DICK IS SMALLER THAN MY DOG'S DICK" complimented by a black arrow graphic pointing downward to where my dog would be walking. I will walk my dog in affluent neighborhoods while wearing the shirt. Your children will know my name.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
JELLYFISH QUEEF CONCERTO
I have a reoccurring fantasy where I say "must see t.v." to a random person's face, then fire an uzi in the direction of their dumb smile.
Friday, July 27, 2012
THE HOUR OF PEACOCK LABIA
Recently my facial hair was out of control. I kept imagining my mustache as a black girl saying "talk to the hand" at any food trying to pass through my open lips. I also imagined my nose hair as the skinny cousin yelling "no ya din'nt!" to everything the black girl mustache denied.
My beard hair was the creepy uncle who likes to sit back, lick his lips and just watch.
Being a dragon isn't easy.
My beard hair was the creepy uncle who likes to sit back, lick his lips and just watch.
Being a dragon isn't easy.
Monday, July 23, 2012
ABOLISH ALL MIRRORS
Let's talk more about the search query "Jereme Dean".
Every 6-8 months I google my name. It's not like a calendar reminder is set. Usually, what happens is I wonder if people are talking bullshit about me and check the internet.
I found a video on tumblr EE did. The video is her reading a story I like from the Fast Machine anthology while wearing jean shorts and an american flag bikini top. Fuck yeah. The video is here.
I also found a blog named Deathcapades because of a post mentioning my name. At first I thought the blog author had a pussy. After reading more posts I thought maybe the author was a guy/girl team. Now I think maybe it's just a guy pretending to be a girl, or a girl pretending to be a guy. Unsure, really.
Having a difficult time believing a woman is capable of a sense of humor like the deathcapades author has.
Heh.
Every 6-8 months I google my name. It's not like a calendar reminder is set. Usually, what happens is I wonder if people are talking bullshit about me and check the internet.
I found a video on tumblr EE did. The video is her reading a story I like from the Fast Machine anthology while wearing jean shorts and an american flag bikini top. Fuck yeah. The video is here.
I also found a blog named Deathcapades because of a post mentioning my name. At first I thought the blog author had a pussy. After reading more posts I thought maybe the author was a guy/girl team. Now I think maybe it's just a guy pretending to be a girl, or a girl pretending to be a guy. Unsure, really.
Having a difficult time believing a woman is capable of a sense of humor like the deathcapades author has.
Heh.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
FLY LIKE A PARAPLEGIC OCTOPUS IN AN OCEAN OF SUGARED PISS
The old blogger required an additional module be installed for web logging. I purposely didn't utilize it. Statistics are for corporations and the insecure.
The new blogger has minimal web stats as an interface feature. Kind of shitty because I log in to my account and there they are, these meaningless fucking statistics, complete with graphic charts. What marble head has a tiny orgasm over this sort of data?
"34 page views today. Feel validated."
The only good a forced stat counter has is seeing the terms searched to find my weak signal blog. One person's search term: female masturbation at work.
Dear internet user, while I have masturbated on several occasions throughout my life, I do not have a vagina, nor have I encountered any vaginal masturbation while on the job I believe it to be myth. My apology for the momentary disappointment that is this blog.
The other search term people used to find my blog is "Jereme Dean". Unsure why people keep googling my name. I'm not important. Shit, I hardly exist. My ex-wife does like to keep tabs on my life because she's a big fan of my poetry, I guess--hi, Maggie!
Does a statistic exist to show the people who pronounce my name correctly when searching for it?
On an unrelated topic, when I smell an open jar of coconut oil a naked black girl materializes in my mindspace..
The new blogger has minimal web stats as an interface feature. Kind of shitty because I log in to my account and there they are, these meaningless fucking statistics, complete with graphic charts. What marble head has a tiny orgasm over this sort of data?
"34 page views today. Feel validated."
The only good a forced stat counter has is seeing the terms searched to find my weak signal blog. One person's search term: female masturbation at work.
Dear internet user, while I have masturbated on several occasions throughout my life, I do not have a vagina, nor have I encountered any vaginal masturbation while on the job I believe it to be myth. My apology for the momentary disappointment that is this blog.
The other search term people used to find my blog is "Jereme Dean". Unsure why people keep googling my name. I'm not important. Shit, I hardly exist. My ex-wife does like to keep tabs on my life because she's a big fan of my poetry, I guess--hi, Maggie!
Does a statistic exist to show the people who pronounce my name correctly when searching for it?
On an unrelated topic, when I smell an open jar of coconut oil a naked black girl materializes in my mindspace..
Monday, July 16, 2012
MY YACHT IS YOUR EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN
The introduction for Sam Pink's "Frowns Need Friends, Too." is a mustard fart away from being finished. Writing it felt good. The book is being re-released from Lazy Fascist Press. Fuck yep.
Maybe you didn't know Ani Smith interviewed me a while back. It's the first and only. You can find it here: interview. Yeah, those women in the picture have dicks. Pretty sure theirs are much bigger than mine, too.
This piece was solicited by an editor for an anthology. The original publication in Lamination Colony is the only publication I've felt good about. I'm really thankful Blake published the writing. Totally think I owe him an aggressive blow job as a thank you.
The second part of the life outline will be finished soon, I hope. Unsure what I'm going to do with it. Email me if you have any ideas: jdean33442@gmail.com
Below is a picture of me and my dog, Little Dave. He's the one popping a boner. I named him after a poet friend of mine. We should be on the cover of a soft-core homosexual porn magazine (if such a thing exists).
Maybe you didn't know Ani Smith interviewed me a while back. It's the first and only. You can find it here: interview. Yeah, those women in the picture have dicks. Pretty sure theirs are much bigger than mine, too.
This piece was solicited by an editor for an anthology. The original publication in Lamination Colony is the only publication I've felt good about. I'm really thankful Blake published the writing. Totally think I owe him an aggressive blow job as a thank you.
The second part of the life outline will be finished soon, I hope. Unsure what I'm going to do with it. Email me if you have any ideas: jdean33442@gmail.com
Below is a picture of me and my dog, Little Dave. He's the one popping a boner. I named him after a poet friend of mine. We should be on the cover of a soft-core homosexual porn magazine (if such a thing exists).
(beat your meat with old men)
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