BALL GAGS AND FANNY PACKS

Things I've overheard which caused me to imagine a guillotine slamming down on my neck endlessly as if I were watching a video clip of my own execution on repeat.

• "Yeah, uh, do you have... uh, do you have any flowers that say, 'I like you,' you know, not 'I love you,' but, 'I like you'?  I just don't want to go there..."

•  "My name is Oz, that's spelled O-Z."

• "Can't believe the 'Great Gatsby' movie was that bad."