LIMP WRISTED MONSOON

Rauan Klassnik interviewed me about pit bulls. You can read it at HTMLG.

DROWNING IN A POOL OF MY OWN SEMEN SEEMS LIKE A BETTER FATE THAN TALKING ABOUT POLITICS

I could swear there is someone somewhere watching me. Through the wind and the chill and the rain and the storm and the flood.

BLOWING KISSES AT THE BACK OF YOUR STUPID FUCKING HEAD

Pictures of artwork currently on display in my apartment (partial):

AT NIGHT THE STREETS OF LOS ANGELES LOOK LIKE FLOWING LAVA WHEN VIEWED FROM A CERTAIN DISTANCE

There's a 99.9% chance that you're a privileged, white asshole if you own golf clubs.

MY BRAIN IS A MAGNET FOR SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND NUDE PICTURES OF ROSEANNE BARR

THE AMERICAN FLAG IS THE SWASTIKA OF THE 21ST CENTURY

Every time I hear that bitch-made Gotye song I inherently imagine a rotating kaleidoscope of colors, inside the colors are these two heads which orbit around each other: one growing larger as the other grows smaller; and the one head looks like a cherub with an Adolf Hitler haircut, comical rose-colored cheeks, with a facial expression which connotes inexperience and weakness--a pedophile's wet dream!--and the other face looks like an anorexic bearded lady wearing a moronic yellow beanie, each hair on his/her face finely manicured, not a scratch or a scar or even a small piece of dirt anywhere to be found, almost as if he/she has never lived life outside of his/her parent's bedroom.

It makes me laugh like the way a serial killer day dreams while eating his final meal 30 minutes prior to walking down a hallway to an execution chamber.

And people always give me a strange look because it seems like I'm being insane.

But, really, I'm just subconsciously acknowledging limp wristed shit hearts for what they are.

SOMEONE WAS JUST STABBED OUTSIDE MY APARTMENT OR THE ARMOS ARE YELLING AT EACH OTHER AGAIN

Space Jam is the Bedknobs and Broomsticks of your generation.  Stop talking about it like it's fucking cool.

FAG HAMMER

A rotating helicopter blade made out of fun noodles where my cock is supposed to be.