FUCKING A

Today I was up on the mountain

(the one with the famous sign),

scouting a secluded area to play ball with my dog

while avoiding tourists and park rangers,

and came upon this thing.

It was moving across the path

in a rhythm

like slow motion water

falling horizontally.

So I got closer

then realized what it was

which was nothing like

any story or movie or picture.

And felt hopeful about life.

MAMMAL LONELINESS

In time, isolation, the inability to express their frustrations or repressed energies in a positive manner can have an effect on the mental and/or physical well-being of the dog.

COMPLACENCY IS THE DRIVEWAY WHICH HOUSES THE CINDER BLOCK FOUNDATION OF YOUR MANUFACTURED EGO

Feel angry right now.

Keep imagining myself as an armless fist floating in a pool of lavender piss.

Just curled.

Hostile.

It's like...

(Man, I shouldn't have to explain it.)

Every person I encounter in life should be angry about various things.

Tivo partitioning is not one of them.

Nor is the mistake of an incorrect starbucks' order.

Which Kardashian isn't an authentic Kardashian sure the fuck ain't.

Slogans are our new thoughts and anger is a dead emotion.

Fuck you.

PUSSY FARTS ARE THE NEW DISCO BALL

I WANT TO PRETEND TO BE A WOMAN FOR A NIGHT AND HAVE A SLUMBER PARTY

EXT. HOLLLYWOOD - FARMER'S MARKET - DAY

J

You look cute.

G

Aww, thanks.  You're nice.

J

I am not fucking nice.

G

Oh, okay.  You're sweet...

J

Haha, oh yeah?

G

Yeah, sweet like dick cheese.

***

INT. WEST HOLLYWOOD WHOLE FOODS - SOUP BUFFET

Actress who plays the coach on GLEE walks up behind G. to stare at her ass.

J

 Man, you got a heavy lesbian vibe today.  All these ladies keep checking you out.

G 

Really?

J

Heh, yep.  Really.

G

Why do you think that?

J

I dunno.  Your attire is very Lilith Fair.

G

(looking confused)

What's that?

J

Oh, it was a large lesbian festival in the nineties.  Sarah McLachlan always headlined.

G

I think I know what you're talking about... I really look like a lesbian though?

J

Hahaha

G 

(pouting)

I don't want to look like a lesbian!  I want to look cuuute.

STAR WARS IS FUCKING STUPID

I surmise people who are part of a "circle of friends" really enjoy that shitty Gotye song.

I'VE NEVER SEEN MY OWN EYES

First ladies who resemble ex-presidents:

Hillary Clinton

Ben Franklin

Nancy Reagan

Andrew Jackson

Pat Nixon

Martin Van Buren

Ladybird Johnson

John Adams

Barbara Bush

George Washington

JESUS DYING ON THE CROSS WHILE WEARING A PINK SUSAN G. KOMEN BRACELET

(A glimpse of clandestine heaven at 1:47)