BRUTE FORCE CUDDLE

A man stricken by life long apathy video recording funeral ceremonies to catalog alien emotions on the faces of the living.

HUMBLE LIKE THE SIDEWALK

I Am A: True Neutral Human Rogue (6th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength-13
Dexterity-10
Constitution-13
Intelligence-16
Wisdom-16
Charisma-9

Alignment:
True Neutral A true neutral character does what seems to be a good idea. He doesn't feel strongly one way or the other when it comes to good vs. evil or law vs. chaos. Most true neutral characters exhibit a lack of conviction or bias rather than a commitment to neutrality. Such a character thinks of good as better than evil after all, he would rather have good neighbors and rulers than evil ones. Still, he's not personally committed to upholding good in any abstract or universal way. Some true neutral characters, on the other hand, commit themselves philosophically to neutrality. They see good, evil, law, and chaos as prejudices and dangerous extremes. They advocate the middle way of neutrality as the best, most balanced road in the long run. True neutral is the best alignment you can be because it means you act naturally, without prejudice or compulsion. However, true neutral can be a dangerous alignment when it represents apathy, indifference, and a lack of conviction.

Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.

Class:
Rogues have little in common with each other. While some - maybe even the majority - are stealthy thieves, many serve as scouts, spies, investigators, diplomats, and simple thugs. Rogues are versatile, adaptable, and skilled at getting what others don't want them to get. While not equal to a fighter in combat, a rogue knows how to hit where it hurts, and a sneak attack can dish out a lot of damage. Rogues also seem to have a sixth sense when it comes to avoiding danger. Experienced rogues develop nearly magical powers and skills as they master the arts of stealth, evasion, and sneak attacks. In addition, while not capable of casting spells on their own, a rogue can sometimes 'fake it' well enough to cast spells from scrolls, activate wands, and use just about any other magic item.

Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)

CAULIFLOWER CREAMIN'

Sadness as an indestructible wheat penny wedged between the blades of the garbage disposal that is your prosthetic heart.

I LIKE TO STEAL WOMEN, TOO

A dream where all the meaningless conversation leading to sex is manufactured as a bust of your mother's unhappy orgasm face.

BULLSHIT DEFECIT DISORDER

Can someone explain to me, and by someone I mean persons in possession of a pussy, how a woman can actually fuck a grossly effeminate dude?  How the hell do you open your legs willingly to a person who gesticulates and speaks like a flaming homosexual but who isn't actually homosexual?

I don't get it. 

I know it's difficult to find a male not moderately effeminate these days.  There's a lot of titty coddled dudes out there who have no clue how to accomplish anything on their own, guys who's entire existence is confined by whining complaints/passive-aggressive remarks.  But, damn, how do you bed that?

I mean, does a frail hipped body with the demeanor of a fat middle-aged white woman get you sexed up or what.

Enlighten me.

CREMATION FROM THE INSIDE OUT

Meanwhile, in Los Angeles...

SUICIDE BY HAMBURGER HELPER

My childhood sustenance was nonstop neglect, rice a roni and head banger's ball.

ASTHMATIC DEN MOTHER'S ACHILLES SPASM

Hollywood has a serious cockroach infestation. 

These motherfuckers litter the streets, smoke cigarettes and wear gold chains.

Like tiny armenians,

but with better body structure,

and a lot less hair.