HEAD SHOP DRUGS ARE THE FIRST DATE ANAL OF TODAY'S YOUTH

What the fuck is innocence?

SIMON SAYS: IF YOU HAVE A VAGINA AND YOU KNOW IT, SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Feminists, describing your sex life is as rebellious as a dog fart in a back alley.  Find another topic.

Write a lesbian version of fight club.  Or a novel with an amputee protagonist who doesn't wear makeup.

Or a short story about a semi-truck driver moonlighting as an arm-wrestler.

Or some flash fiction with no reference to menstruation.

Please stop writing about your pussy.  This isn't the sixties.  Contrary to popular belief, your jelly roll isn't interesting.

All pink inside.  We know.  Fluids.  We know.  Flatulence.  We know.

Also, when did this empty formula become law: woman + writing = feminist ?

I thought the word feminist held more meaning than a label to boost book sales.

Everyone stop labeling.

God damn it.

Cocaine.

I'M BETTER THAN YOU BECAUSE I LIVE ON A HILLTOP AND DRIVE A SPORTS CAR WITH HALOGEN LAMPS.

I was asked to write an introduction to a book of poetry.  I'm excited, except I don't think I've ever actually read a book intro before.

I have tried.

The introductions I've attempted are always boring or interpret the work before I've read the work.  I don't understand the need to ruin the orgasm--people love to step on dicks.

And they usually read like a preview to a michael bay movie, sans explosions, as narrated by a narcoleptic wilford brimley.

Has anyone, ever, read those first 3 pages and thought, "GOD DAMN, I MUST BUY THIS SHITTY BOOK OF WORDS RIGHT NOW!"

The magic 8-ball says no.

So, yeah, I have no fucking idea how to write an introduction.  Or even the root point of one.

Think I'll write a bunch of reasons why a person shouldn't read the book.

And maybe a casual mention of burritos.  Maybe.

Fuck sales.

Cocaine.