SHIVER THE DIARRHEA ROOT CANAL WHILE THE GRAIN RAINBOW SWALLOWS

Wondering if girls named Jessica come in any size other than obese.

CHOKING ON THE GROSS MISCONDUCT OF A PORTOBELLO TIARA

People who find Jim Gaffigan funny...

JEMAIS VU

The current youth is the generation of complacency.  What happened to giving a fuck about anything, even if that anything is giving a fuck about nothing.

Boost

Thinking of writing a new-wave Choose-Your-Own-Adventure: all the exits finish with a passive-aggressive tweet; #lol.

666.

Do Americans know how to do anything anymore: Magic 8-Ball app on my iPhone says, "Do you liek me?"

yolo

Now going to whine about being bored/not having money on facebook from the warmth of my mom's basement.

alt-lit

EITHER A BUM IS PISSING ON THE GROUND OUTSIDE MY APARTMENT DOOR OR IT'S RAINING AGAIN.

I visited a cemetery located in the hills around Hollywood yesterday.  When I arrived the clouds were slowly pushing past the hilltops and four deer stood in the graveyard quietly eating grass.

SOFT TUNNEL

Toshiaki Toyoda directed this video.  Feel like the marshmallow being is the physical manifestation of the sadness in all of us.

THE MILF WITH THE COCAINE STARE KEEPS TRYING TO TALK

The loneliness never goes away: a person is victimized by the weight or accepts its grace.

SPARROW BONES

If any of you are around when I have to meet my day, I don't want a long funeral. And if you get somebody to deliver the eulogy, tell them not to talk too long. Every now and then I wonder what I want them to say...I'd like somebody to mention that day, that Martin Luther King, Jr., tried to give his life serving others. I'd like for somebody to say that day, that Martin Luther King, Jr., tried to love somebody. I want you to say that day, that I tried to be right on the war question. I want you to be able to say that day that I did try to feed the hungry. I want you to be able to say that day that I did try in my life to clothe those who were naked. I want you to say, on that day, that I did try, in my life, to visit those who were in prison. I want you to say that I tried to love and serve humanity.

NICK NOLTE HAS THE POTENTIAL TO BE MARY POPPINS WITH THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF COCAINE IN HIS BLOODSTREAM

Thinking about watching SCORPION KING 3 to see what it's like to be a normal american.

THE PSYCHOLOGY OF LONELINESS IS A TV DINNER DESSERT

Which Blink 182 song is your favorite?

MY GRANNY ONLY PILOTED NIHONJIN STICK

GLOVE SCOOTER

Before bitchmade was crafted, stevie ray was the king of swamp jelly.  Bitches still tremble under the light of his death whisper.

<-------------------------------------------------------------------->

CHICAGO

(a small portion from something larger)

I felt really depressed about the thing. I specifically picked the pumpkin patch because of the kangaroo. In my mind I imagined it to be a majestic beast, surly as fuck, chortling hatred and disgust through its small nostrils. Instead it looked like a shackled baby with down syndrome, sitting in the bright light of a lamp, waiting for death.

IN AN ALTERNATE EXISTENCE SUICIDE IS A MOTHER'S DAY GREETING CARD

The belly button tattoo is the male equivalent of the tramp stamp.

PUSSY ISN'T THE ONLY MERMAID IN THE SKY.

THE EPHEMERAL EXPRESSION OF HONEST CONFUSION.

I have this reoccurring imagination of a clenched hand punching the soft face of every person I meet.  It isn't a hook or an uppercut, nothing too violent; just a stiff jab to an unsuspecting head.

A preemptive strike against bullshit.

Before any fuckheart can say a word about drinking vodkahh crunbayrees the previous night, or what the recent episode of Parks and Recreation entails, or who'll win the wild card spot this year, or why I should vote, or for directions to the Hollywood sign...

BLAM

A fist.

From somewhere.

Anywhere.

A PROSTATE WITH GOOGLY EYES

Definitely think the bodybuilding.com forums are an overlooked and underrated source of amusement and horror.  Nothing is funnier, to me at least, than meat headed dudes with small intelligence and massive insecurities talking about life, love and the pursuit of validation.

Bro, I'm the Tom Selleck of the gang bang party.  No one can compete with my beauty.